Good grief!

It's April the 11th and my Dad died the Tuesday before last and it STILL hasn't really hit me. It seems so--unreal. He was just feeling bad on Mar 20th, then by April 2nd he was dead of pancreatic cancer. We all thought it was his prostate, and that we would be able to get him out to Clopton, his hometown, to die in the house he was born in. But he died in Flowers hospital in Dothan, surrounded by me, my mom and my brother. At least he was surrounded by people he loved and he went quickly, so there wasn't any draw out pain.
It's been a long time since I blogged here for the above reasons. Too busy, out of town, too depressed, too angry. Even had a suicidal thought, but I was able to deal with it quickly, knowing it for the physical aberration it is in my chemistry now.
I'm tired. I can't believe how tired I am, like I can't wake up and I'm still dreaming. But I'm not. He's dead. Gone. That's it. About as it as it gets in this life.
Anne B. said something interesting, "This might be a good time to stop all contact with you mother."
She's right in some ways, because that woman has been able to screw up most of my adult life. But--she's gotten better, and she does need her friends and family more now that dad's gone. But I don't feel a compelling reason to visit. I think I will go to Lake Eufala for Juneteenth. That might be good.
My devil girl was vbery supportive all throughout this, and I was very glad he got to meet her before he left us.